Well, I had said that I was going to enroll in classes to finish my degree and I did. Funny, thing is I will not have a high tuition bill considering financial aid. I was so afraid of taking on another bill that I think I talked myself out of it most of the time. I was pretty shocked at my payments. Now, I am kicking myself for not starting sooner. I am going to do this I should be graduating at the same time my oldest is finishing high school and that will enable me to get a better position at my job and be comfortable while helping him get through college. I know it is not easy and I still will need to maintain my household but my children understand that this is something I "have to do".
I went to church this morning at Olivet Baptist Church and his sermon title was Why Did I Get Married? and for the single people, Why Should I Get Married? Of course with the release of Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? it was so fitting. Mainly he spoke to married people but what got me was when he was praying and he said for single people to place their hand over their heart if they are looking for someone. He also said if you are not right with yourself then you should not be looking for someone. I thought, "that is me!" I know I still have some things to work on for me. I felt so good about that because I know I have some growing to do. I want to better me before I allow someone in my life on that level. I know once I get my inner self together then God will give me someone who can enhance my life and be a true partner.
August and September
It is funny how school starts and I become an alien to my computer. It seems as if everything is a blur because there is school, work, activities, homework, school, work, activities, homework, etc.
I was talking to my cousin and she just completed her Master's degree online. I have always been leary of online courses. I wondered how they worked so I talked to her about it and I decided that instead of getting turned down for every position I applied for I need to finish and do it for real. I know my company have tuition reimbursement and all but I still had to figure out how to fit all of this in my busy schedule. I also needed to figure out how to pay for it. I looked online at work and found some of my employer's "preferred schools." One was Colorado Technical University Online. I emailed the guy for more information and he was very encouraging so I am going to start in November. One class of course, just to get used to it. I "should" be done in about 15 months.
I pray that I can do this because I need it. For my kids, I need it.
A friend of mine moved to the ATL last month and I miss her dearly. It was funny cause it wasn't like we hung out all the time, actually we only saw each other at work but she taught me so much. To look at her you would think she was mean as hell but I saw strength. She was the type of person that found happiness in herself and because of that she was able to attract a good man who was not scared of her independence. When I grow up, I want to be like her. I have had a couple months that was really hard for me and I didn't tell her about it. I thought about her strength through it all and I believe that is how I got through. That and a whole lot of PRAYER.
Well, I think this is it for now. So be breezy!
I was talking to my cousin and she just completed her Master's degree online. I have always been leary of online courses. I wondered how they worked so I talked to her about it and I decided that instead of getting turned down for every position I applied for I need to finish and do it for real. I know my company have tuition reimbursement and all but I still had to figure out how to fit all of this in my busy schedule. I also needed to figure out how to pay for it. I looked online at work and found some of my employer's "preferred schools." One was Colorado Technical University Online. I emailed the guy for more information and he was very encouraging so I am going to start in November. One class of course, just to get used to it. I "should" be done in about 15 months.
I pray that I can do this because I need it. For my kids, I need it.
A friend of mine moved to the ATL last month and I miss her dearly. It was funny cause it wasn't like we hung out all the time, actually we only saw each other at work but she taught me so much. To look at her you would think she was mean as hell but I saw strength. She was the type of person that found happiness in herself and because of that she was able to attract a good man who was not scared of her independence. When I grow up, I want to be like her. I have had a couple months that was really hard for me and I didn't tell her about it. I thought about her strength through it all and I believe that is how I got through. That and a whole lot of PRAYER.
Well, I think this is it for now. So be breezy!
Essence Magazine
This month's Essence published the "Do Right Man 2007". I began to look at what was considered a do right man and I got so into it. I thought about the men in my life and wondered if I ever had a do right man. There was my biological father, who divorced my mom and I guess you can say he took care of us but he was never there. Then there is my step-father who stepped in and took up the slack but he and my mother fought like cats and dogs. Still do and they have been married over 30 years. There was the ex-husband (See blog Parenting or the lack of...). So, I started to think about my do right men and those who made the list. Warning: I am judging these people based on what I see in the media. I don't know there deep dark secrets or what goes on behind closed doors...
- Kadeem Hardison I have loved this man since he wore those nerdy glasses on "A Different World". I loved his character more than him but I watched him grow up. Then he married that woman and I was truly hurt. What made him my do right man is that I never heard anything about his marriage or divorce. All I hear is that he is a good father. If he is to show up at my door then I am all his.
- O'Shea Jackson (Ice Cube) This man is da bom (and I don't even talk like that) He is hard, funny, serious, cute and down. But he is a family man. No matter how big he gets on the big screen he still makes music.
- Courtney B. Vance Have you ever heard of someone graduating from Harvard and Yale with degrees in fine arts? Brother knew what he wanted. He was not going to be denied. What makes him my do right man, is he married his best friend and they behave more like friends than a married couple. I want that in my life. And I am patient enough to wait on it.
- Don Cheadle Another brother who has it all together. He is a hardworking man. Always in something. He has a family and the funny part of that was I did not know it until I started looking into this, which means he keeps his family out of the media. I have never seen a movie that he played that I did not like. I even liked it when he plays Will's best friend from Philly on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Ice Tray. He has played every type of character known to man and he does it so well.
- Dante Terrell Smith (MOS Def) Last but not least. The most intellectual rapper I have ever heard. He is so cool until it is unreal. I have a lot of favorites from him but I truly loved seeing him in Something The Lord Made. That was truly a great movie. He could give Kadeem a run for his money if they both showed up at my door.
Well, these are my do right men. They may not mean a lot to others but to me they are most impressive.
Parenting or the Lack of...
Today, I was thinking about the amount of time my children's dad has spent with them kinda debating requesting an increase in child support. The laws here says that if the non-custodial parent is not spending time then they will pay more. I wonder is it worth it. I thought about it he has had them a total of one week since last Christmas. That's six months. I don't believe they notice it but I do. Plus, it is more expensive to keep growing children with you all the time. Food is one reason. They use more electricity and water. I have to wait in line to use my computer. So many things a non-custodial parent don't realize because he or she doesn't have them long enough to cause a lasting impact. I do believe MCD (my children's dad) doesn't see the wrong in this. He has 101 excuses of why he can't get them. I have always said I would never ask for an increase but this is getting ridiculous. Even when they were with him that one week, I still had to take them and pick them up from their activities. I used to think he was a pretty good dad, but here lately he is just like everyother dad out there. He is not doing anything to make him special. He got outsiders thinking he is great and he may be a step above the average. but lets evaluate what he really does. He does pay child support, but that is a wage garnishment and I wonder if he would do that on his own. During our divorce he got mad and said he would not give me a dime unless a judge ordered him, so I did just that, made a judge order it. He came up with the idea to put them in private school and I agreed to that, but he is liable for that, plus we split that. He buys clothes, but so do I. He pick up little things here and there but for the most part we do the same things. I wonder how does a person not see their children and is cool with it. I am so ready for my kids to move out but I don't think I could function if I could not talk to them all the time... okay 2 to 3 times a week. I love them that much. But is it that easy for the non-custodial parent to block that out. I know there are some people who makes life difficult for the other person but I am not like that. I am cool with him, especially around them. They had to live with this mess while we were married, I don't think it is fair for them to endure in during after divorce. I am really trying to keep it positive. His relationship with his kids is how he makes it. I tell you what, I am tired of trying to push them on him. It is exhausting. My kids are old enough and I do believe this is a time in they will remember. I wonder what will happen...
Real Friends
In the last month or so, I have really learned what a real friend is. I have narrowed mine down to five people. My two sisters. They have been there for me. I mean there is only so much they can do to help me but they have. I feel like that no matter what they are in my corner. Unconditional love is what they have shown me. My mom. Need I say more. see previous blog Family. My friend B. Have you ever met someone that is your friend from day one. Especially someone of the opposite sex who is not trying to get with you and "slip in the friend zone." (Chris Rock said that). Just a true friend. B is that person for me and I consider myself lucky to have a person like him in my life. He is the one person who can tell me something and it will stay with me for days at a time. He is positive (while sometimes naive) and he is real. He loves the Lord and he always take steps to make him a better man, father and husband. I have always said if I could choose a brother it would be him. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and I am pretty happy he is my brother but my relationship with B is probably a tad bit closer than I have with my brother. Last but definitely not least. My friend Alicia. I haven't see her since 1994 when she left Guam but she is true. I can tell her things I don't tell any of the four people above. she is the only female outside of my family who I can honestly say that I love. I have decided that I am going to go and see her next summer and I know we will have 14 years of tears when we do get to see each other. It is funny how close I am to her and if it was not for the world wide web, I don't know what I would do. Right now I have limited myself to the people I am around and the conversations I have. I do that because I am learning that people will disappoint you. I am trusting God more and more each day to provide me with the inner peace and joy I am seeking. I have these five people in my life that are helping me enjoy the peace and joy that the Lord is giving me. Oh, yeah, I am getting a new friend, Joyce Meyers. EVERYDAY, I listen to her Radio/TV programs and she gives me some word of wisdom and she is helping me get closer to God which is where I truly need to be. She said the other day, that the Lord has purpose for us all and the older I get the more I want to find out what my purpose is. Peace.
Choices & Sacrifices
Choice means the right, power, or opportunity to choose; option.
Sacrifice means to surrender or give up, or permit injury or disadvantage to, for the sake of something else.
I've had to make some changes in my life and I wondered did that mean it was a choice or was it a sacrifice. When I began educating my children, I placed them in public schools because I thought they were fine. I went to them, so what could be so bad. I even moved in the neighborhood I grew up in so that they could attend the schools I went to as a child. This was fine for a while. Areas began to re-zone and the make up of the schools were different. Once my eldest got to middle school, I started to notice. He was not doing as well as he should have done. I also noticed there was a lot more peer pressure than I thought there would be at that age. He truly hadn't grown a lot and that became an issue. He was not doing his work and what would aggrevate me was I didn't find out until it was close to report card. So by the time he was entering the 8th grade we took him out of public schools and put him into private school. Now, don't get me wrong, he still had his own faults which I still had to deal with but in the setting he was in when he did get lazy, we were notified right away. He also had to deal with being the new kid in an environment where most of these kids have been together since kindergarten. That was hard but I still believe the right choice was made. The following year all of my children were in private school and that is where the sacrifice came. It was hard financially and I have had to give up a lot because of it. I have lost a lot also and I hear the naysayers tell me different things like, there is no way I would pay more for my child's education than I pay for my car. I said your car means more to you than your child. They get stumbled and try to correct that but I got it. Then I have heard, why put that money into private school when you have to pay for college. I say, why put away money for college? If your child is not getting what they need in high school, they definitely will not be going to college. I can argue that point until I am blue in the face but I leave it at to each his own and until you walk down that rode then don't try to argue it. I can say this since I have made this choice, my children are being exposed to so much more than they would have gotten otherwise (creative thinking competitions, dance classes, etc.) I make sure they know they were not born with the right to attend private schools (meaning we are not rich) and their being there is due to sacrifices made by their parents. I hope my children will one day see it that I was trying to do this because I care about their future more than I care about a house, a car or clothes.
Sacrifice means to surrender or give up, or permit injury or disadvantage to, for the sake of something else.
I've had to make some changes in my life and I wondered did that mean it was a choice or was it a sacrifice. When I began educating my children, I placed them in public schools because I thought they were fine. I went to them, so what could be so bad. I even moved in the neighborhood I grew up in so that they could attend the schools I went to as a child. This was fine for a while. Areas began to re-zone and the make up of the schools were different. Once my eldest got to middle school, I started to notice. He was not doing as well as he should have done. I also noticed there was a lot more peer pressure than I thought there would be at that age. He truly hadn't grown a lot and that became an issue. He was not doing his work and what would aggrevate me was I didn't find out until it was close to report card. So by the time he was entering the 8th grade we took him out of public schools and put him into private school. Now, don't get me wrong, he still had his own faults which I still had to deal with but in the setting he was in when he did get lazy, we were notified right away. He also had to deal with being the new kid in an environment where most of these kids have been together since kindergarten. That was hard but I still believe the right choice was made. The following year all of my children were in private school and that is where the sacrifice came. It was hard financially and I have had to give up a lot because of it. I have lost a lot also and I hear the naysayers tell me different things like, there is no way I would pay more for my child's education than I pay for my car. I said your car means more to you than your child. They get stumbled and try to correct that but I got it. Then I have heard, why put that money into private school when you have to pay for college. I say, why put away money for college? If your child is not getting what they need in high school, they definitely will not be going to college. I can argue that point until I am blue in the face but I leave it at to each his own and until you walk down that rode then don't try to argue it. I can say this since I have made this choice, my children are being exposed to so much more than they would have gotten otherwise (creative thinking competitions, dance classes, etc.) I make sure they know they were not born with the right to attend private schools (meaning we are not rich) and their being there is due to sacrifices made by their parents. I hope my children will one day see it that I was trying to do this because I care about their future more than I care about a house, a car or clothes.
Mother
My mom is in the hospital and I wrote this prior to Mother's Day. I am sharing this because although I know people lose mother's everyday, I want it to be know that I appreciate the little gifts my mom has given me. --- 4/29/2007 6:40 PM --- As Mother's Day approaches, I am thinking not about being a mother but about still having my mother with me. I remember thinking as a kid how can one person be so mean. I know how. I was not one to give my mother a lot of trouble but she had to keep a firm hand. There were just things she did not tolerate. I was reading the newspaper this morning and they were talking about violence coming from teens are increasing in the last couple of years. WOW!!! We would not have thought about getting into trouble with the law. My mom would have lost her mind and there would have been hell to pay. I also read they feel the problem is due to the lack of parental guidance at home and kids turning to gangs for a "family". It is amazing what we have allowed. Let my mom find out I was in a gang that was beating up people and stealing. My mom also at times worked evenings and we were at home but we knew better. You know what, we also had to respect ADULTS. My mom had this thing that if you were disrespectful to an adult it was like being disrespectful to her. We had to say "Ma'am" and "Sir". As a mother I want my children to have the same type of respect for authority. I have told them never to disrespect an adult. If they have a problem they should come to their father or I, and we will handle it. There is no excuse. I have heard of instances when parents have condoned a child's disrespectful behavior. Funny, that same parent is going to wonder why their child is treating them so bad one day. I love my mother and no matter how "mean" I thought she was, I appreciate what she has given me and I can only hope to pass this along to my children. The bible says, "Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long time in the land the Lord your God is giving you." Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers. --- I am more certain of this posting today than when I wrote it. My mom will be back on her feet and will be trying to redecorate everyone's homes to her satisfaction but that is cool because I am blessed to have her with me for a while longer. Only the Lord knows how much this means to me.
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