September 19, 2007 - The start of a great journey.

"I am interesting in completing my Bachelor's Degree and would like to get more information on your online program.  My degree would be Business Administration.  I have credits and I would like to know if they would be transferable."

That was the first email that I sent when I was deciding if I would go back to school.  My cousin had just completed her Master's online and she was telling me how the online program worked.  Now I started my college journey 26 years ago and at that time the intranet was a basement idea so the thought of someone being able to teach me anything online was still a stretch in my head.  I listened to what she had to say and after that conversation I begin to look on my company's intranet because they offered tuition reimbursement and I, first, had to see if they would reimburse for online schools.  Not only did they approve, they actually had a list of preferred schools.  I remember choosing Colorado Tech only because my daughter once said she would love to live in Colorado. There was no other reason, it was that random.

I sent the above email and immediately go a reply from a recruiter.  I pretty much told him that I didn't want to begin until the start of the year.  He began to describe how their classes were set up and the schedule was not the normal semesters like traditional schools.  He was trying to get me into the next term but I said no because I still had to think if this is something I wanted to do.  I was a single mother of three children in a position at work that between October and February I am working an average of 50+ hours a week.  I can say that he had a great pitch because he made it sound like I would listen to these chats and submit work and in no time I would have my degree.  I bought it.  I guess a big part of me wanted to buy it because school was the single most important thing I wanted to finish.  Plus, I  have been preaching to my children about college and they were getting to the age where I begin to feel like a hypocrite.  They never made me feel that way, I did it on my own.  What better way to show them than to do it myself.

That beginning seem so long ago because when I started my program I had an 8-year old desktop computer that was slow even though I had high speed internet through the cable company.  Not to mention I had three children whose schoolwork required the use of the computer so many times I had to wait until everyone was finished before I could even begin my work. I never will forget the feeling I got when I heard the professor say my name.  It felt so official. That first class was pretty simple and I was like, "Oh yeah, I got this!"  That next class was more, "what the hell?" And the classes afterward was more of the same.  I had to repeat some classes but 6 months later I had completed my Associate's degree.  I had mixed feelings about it because on one hand I felt that I had made a big leap in my reaching my goal, on the other hand I could have beat myself up for not doing it sooner.  But in the end there was no need to look back because I still was not where I wanted to be. 

When I started to work on bachelor's program I had just returned from visiting my friend Alicia in Texas and I was not in the mood for school.  I began to see changes in my daughter and things just seem to change.  I always say God knew what I was about to encounter and He knew the first thing that would have suffered would be school.  So I truly believe He felt I needed someone that would help me to stay on track so I wouldn't have to live with yet another regret.  I believe that's how I got my BFF. How else can you explain me meeting someone who is just as determined to finish school as I am and who would be able to support what I was trying to do and provide the support throughout the trials that came my way.  I had to withdraw at some point in my program but when he saw things getting back to normal, he began to inquire about me returning to school.  I don't think I would have done this on my own.  My BFF knew that the situation would not stay the way it was and I am forever grateful for his support and love. So grateful I married him.  Well in August of 2010 I finished my Bachelor's.  Then I began to consider my Master's program.

Now when I began this, a Master's degree was not in the cards.  Not sure why,  I was just not interested.  I always thought a Bachelor's was enough.  Then I looked around my workplace and noticed a lot of people had Master's degrees so I started to think that if I wanted to remain competitive, that may be the road I need to travel.  Well, needless to say my BFF would be needed again because I reached a point on my job where my work hours increase to about 60+ hours a week and when I finished that job, concentrating on schoolwork was difficult because my mind was constantly thinking about the things I needed to achieve the following day on my job.  I had to withdraw once again.  This lasted about 6 months and honestly I would have been okay with it lasting longer.  I will never forget my BFF standing over me and he said, "don't you think its about time for you to go back to school?" I was so casual. My first thought was, dang! One thing he always said, its not that he cared if I got my Master's but I should complete what I started. 

Well, the other day, I received the proof that I had finally finished a life long journey and a great one at that.  I look at this degree and know that about 8 years ago, I never thought this would be in my immediate future.  I always knew I would go back, I just thought it would be once my children left home.  I never thought I could juggle being a full-time mother, employee, student and after a while wife. I know what I have done is nothing new but knowing ME that way I do, it was an accomplishment. The entire time I went through this, my children never felt like they were being neglected, although I felt I was neglecting them. Between work and school it was hard for me to attend wrestling matches and choir concerts and other events but they didn't complain and they were happy when I achieved a milestone.  I will continue to say I am truly blessed to have these young people to call my children and because they invested in my goals, I don't think twice about investing in theirs.

Peace.
TB, MSM

 

Fall 2012

This summer has been filled with some pretty good and trying times but like I always say and will continue to say, I am blessed.

The summer started out good, my boys got their summer jobs back and I only had to help my youngest get a job.  After a while when it didn't look like any thing was working out for her she started to get down about it.  I know she had plans on things she wanted to do but a lot of it depended on her earning money.  This was heartbreaking to a parent because you can't 'make' someone hire her.  We began working out in the morning.  Up at 5, at the gym by 5:30 and home by 8.  I worked until 4:30 and then we would try and leave the house and for the most of the summer for me it was schoolwork.  Extremely routine, but by June I noticed that she was getting healthier, the medicine her doctor had her on was no longer needed and all her labs came back normal.  This was a blessing for me and her. We realized the road to health was exercise.  For us, there is no way around it. Other than the job situation she was pretty happy about her outcome. Now that school is back in session, I have pretty much had to buy her all new clothes because nothing fits.

AJ has truly impressed me this summer. He prides himself on sleeping late in the summer but once he started working in order for him to get the "good rides" he would have to be at work early so that sleep late thing was out the window for most of the summer. In July, he was working on his Capstone project and he chose Choir Director as a profession and it was suggested that he mentor with the Chattanooga Boys Choir summer camp. Well, this was great because he was a member in the Mozart and Schubert Choirs and he was pretty sure he could get the opportunity to do this.  He started on a Tuesday and by the time he got home that evening, he said he wished he had stayed in the boys choir.  I took that as he had a good day.  Wednesday, I called to see if he was on the road (this was the furthest he's driven since he started driving so I was nervous) and he said he needed to talk to me when he got home. I knew what it was about and sure enough Mr. Oakes had asked him to return to the choir.  I was estatic. What a way to end your final year in high school! Of course you can. That wasn't the only thing that impressed me about AJ this summer. He seemed to mature right in front of my eyes. Getting up for work on time and if I ask him to do something it didn't seem like I was pulling teeth. It was a transformation that was so obvious it was shocking.

Andre' tried my patience this summer. I think he turned twenty (20) and decided that he wanted to act grown.  I have a saying in my house, "grown people pay rent". Plain and simple. I am firm when it comes to grown children. I don't tolerate my children being defiant and still having to remain financially dependent on me. Sorry to those who are offended but that's just my way.  I love my son but I think he took me to places I don't like to go with my children.  I had to share my time with his father so I would not come close to committing a felony and honestly, I think he tried his patience as well. Actually, I know he did because he said it. Andre' is back at school and he has returned to the son I love and adore.  The one that I have great conversations with and the one that I know he is.  He is entering his 3rd year at MTSU and through all the triumphs, I am so glad that he is sticking with school.  He needs a fire lit under him at times but he is staying on the path he has set out for himself.

All in all, I am truly blessed to have 3 wonderful people in my life.  They have added so much to my life and when I think of where they could be and what they could be doing I have to say, thank you, Lord for blessing me.

Peace.

A Do-over

In life we are taught to do things a certain way. Our values and beliefs up to a point are from the people that influenced us the most.  Most of the time it comes from our parents.  Take me for example.  I try to teach my children to be good people and get an education.  I think I have spent a majority of my time teaching them college was not an option.  I have taught them to respect adults and the law.  My favorite saying is "not because I told you to, but because your uncle and grandfather were cops."  These are just a few of the things  I instilled in my children.

My subject is not about me or my children, its about my brother. Chuck.  Chuck is a good guy.  He was brought up in a home with a mother and 3 sisters and I think I took the place for a while of his "brother" because I was a tomboy at heart.  We did not have a great male role model but we did have a decent one.  My step-dad, whom I always have and will call Daddy, didn't teach us a lot but I think he did teach my brother to take care of home.  Well, he did take care of his home and he found out it was not enough.  I used to sit in awe of the things I would hear that he tried to do and I couldn't for the life of me think of a single reason why a woman would not want to have a dude like him.  But we all know, you don't appreciate what you have till its gone.

He endured a lot and I believe once he got tired then he was done. Most of us are that way.  We know when to say when.  Well, he got past that difficult time and I pray that in the midst of his troubles, he learned something and he gain a sense of peace, faith and patience.  I believe he did because this August he was given a do-over. He gets the privilege of doing a couple of things; 1) choosing someone who shares his values and 2) truly getting to love someone and getting that love back unconditionally.  I heard his wife talk about him in a way that I haven't heard anyone speak of my brother before.  I could feel her love for him and I knew it was true.

She brings out the best in him and not the worst. She understands and appreciates the value of family and accepting them and their flaws as well as their gifts.  She is educated and she can hold her own in a conversation with strangers.  I liked her from the day I met her and she said the one thing to me that I knew she would love him forever, "I cannot imagine my life without him." Another statement I have never heard anyone speak about my brother. And after all of the above, she stood by him when I think was the hardest time of his adult life and I know a lesser woman would have said, "Holla!" She didn't, she took it with him. I am pretty sure she saw him hurt, angry, frustrated and disgusted but in the end, she was standing right there with a look on her face that said her love hadn't wavered a bit.  There are not many people that can say they have a person like that in their corner.

I know we both have had our "do-over" and like him, I don't take for granted that unconditional love that a person gives.  They can't give money, fame or fortune.  They can only give their love, no hidden agenda, just love.  It is the best blessing a person can receive.  I wish them the best and I know they are blessed.

Happy New Year 2012

Happy New Year.

I always start my year by reflecting on the last year and seeing what is ahead in the upcoming year.  If you try it, you will be amazed at the blessing that you have received over the year, even when you think times are tough. 

We were so excited about having a new member in our home but that did not turn out the way we wanted it to.  I think my husband was disappointed, not in the efforts, time and money it took to get her here but in the type of person he helped bring into the world turned out to be.  As parents we want so much for our children and although we can do our best, pray and leave them in God's hands. Some children are determined to learn the HARD WAY.  We will say how that turn out.

I am on the road to completing my Master's degree and its funny because when I started this blog I was just beginning to complete my Bachelor's degree.  I am so thankful to the opportunity that has been given to me but what I am most thankful for is the people God put in your path.  I look at some mountains that were placed in front of me and I know had I not had the encouragement I have in my life, I would have quit school.  This year was tough in the beginning because my job required so much at the first part of the year until, I have to withdraw, but once the workload started to decline, my husband was the first person to ask me when I  planned to re-enroll.  Thank God for him. 

Finally, I was able to get a new position and although I am on a learning curve, I am enjoying my work more than ever.  It is so refreshing to be learning something new.  I know God gave me this when he knew I was ready for it and so far so good.

In the upcoming year, I will be completing my Master's degree (August 2012), my husband will be completing his in March.  We have made a  commitment to do more traveling and see more of the south.  My biggest prayer to God is to help my husband find a career in one of our chosen cities so that we can move and explore other parts of our great country.  I continue to pray for my children.  I am telling EVERY parent out there keep praying for your children, God is listening.  I have been blessed.  My two youngest children are completing high school (2012-13) and my oldest will be entering his 3rd year of college in the fall.  He is hanging in there and I am so proud of him.  It can be so easy to get frustrated but I hope I have taught them that reward is worth the hard work.

Life under the roof.

You know I am truly happy with my life. Sometimes it feels like work but at the end of the day, when we lay down at night, I truly feel like I did when I knew I loved him. It feel so brand new, everyday. Sometimes (during the day), I feel like I want to let go but then my heart will tighten up because I cannot imagine my future without him. This is the easy part. I am getting close to the harder part. Step-parenting.



In a few short months we will have another person in the home with us. I am so nervous about this because in my mind, I want to parent like I have always parented but is that realistic? Can I do the same things with her that I do with my children. She is older and some of her habits are already established so what do you do if those habits are not what is allowed in our home. How much support with I get from my husband or how much with he support the rules for children in the home. I want her to be happy here because I know this is a huge change for her.

These are some of the things that are bothering me right now. Space is another. I look at this situation like this, she should have her own space and not have to borrow space from other people in the house. I again want to make her transition from her culture to this country as smooth as possible. She will have to make new friends go to a different type of school and last but definitely not least she is going to have to get used to these children. Whew! Good luck with that one. My children are funny and my boys have this bad habit of "play" fighting. We were sitting in a resturant the other night and my daughter said something to him and he got up and "play" slapped her. We started laughing but I can only imagine what the people in the restuarant were thinking. I was like, "these fools are going to get me in trouble." They (as well as many siblings in this country) are like that but I can just imagine the shock on this child's face when they do something out of the way.

Maybe I am worried for nothing. I am a worrier when it comes to things like that so I guess I should just take one day at a time.

My oldest child has almost completed his first year in college. I am proud of his ability to maintain his grades while becoming aclamated to life outside of home. Although when he come home, he reverts back to his at home habits. He has grown though. I will give him that.

Oh, well. This is my life under the one roof. Kinda, got some insominia from springing forward.

Meet Mrs. Boamah

Well, it is kinda funny how I have not blogged for over a year when 2010 brought the most changes in my life. Several things happened last year. I finished school and I got married. Both were changes that made me a better person. I did not think my life could make such improvements but it did. Finishing school gave me the biggest sense of accomplishment I have had since giving birth to my children. I felt like I did something. If you ever have one of those "things" you wish you could do or finish then you know how it feels to wake up everyday wanting to do that certain something. Mine was school. As hard as it got and as late I had to stay up, I wanted more than anything to finish. I feel like I helped my future.

My second change was that I became Mrs. Alexander Boamah and I learned what unconditional love, best friend and acceptance TRULY means. This man has helped me to see the best in myself, to go back to church and have faith in the Lord and to love my family. He doesn't make me happy, he adds to it in ways I did not think it was possible. He has taught me that it is okay to disagree as long as at the end of the day, you are still loving each other. Ever have someone believe in you? The goals you have for yourself, they are there for you. Some of the those frustrating school days were doable because of him. I remember him helping with my statistics class. He would listen to my chats with me and then help me to understand it. I remember when he felt like I wasn't getting my work done at home he would take me to the library so I could get my assignments completed. Funny, I did not spend that much time in the library when I was in school. He was patient when I was not and he was hopeful when I gave up. He always knew it would be okay, even when I could not see it. I did not think I would be deserving of a person like him in my life but I thank God everyday for him. His love is never ending and he loves all of me not just the "good parts." That's a lot of love.

This year we will start bringing our family together and it is going to be a new experience for us all. I am a little behind in my blogging but I do hope to talk about the changes that will come in the future. Good, not so good and sometimes downright ugly. We were hoping to have that family portrait by the summer but it may have to wait a little while longer. That's okay, I promise when we get that portrait done I will be able to show the world the best part of my life - family.

Peace.

Mother's Day

I love to think about me as a child and my mom. I look at some pictures of her and I think she was pretty sexy to be a mom of four. Of course she was the disciplinarian in the family and at times I thought she was mean as hell. She always say none of us are in jail, she never had to put us in rehab and we all work. These are the things she is grateful for. Being a mother I can understand. We all want our kids to have these high paying respectable professions and for a while we have that control but once they start to think for themselves our dreams are not really theirs. That's okay. I tell my kids as long as it pays rent and they are happy then I am happy. But this is not about me as a mother, its about my mom.

When I was a teenager, I remember going to get in the bed with my mom. My dad worked third shift so I would sleep with her. I remember she wasn't working and I would get up and get ready for school. I would make my bed but I noticed she would re-make it during the course of the day. After a while I decided there was no need in me making when she was going to redo it so I stopped. She let this go on for about a week and one morning on my way out of the door she told me I better not leave the house without making up my bed. I tried to explain my theory but she wasn't hearing it. She said she didn't care, I better make it up. Today, I wonder what was the lesson in that? We had to clean the house, do laundry and iron clothes (a chore I hate to this day). We were made to be responsible.

Sometimes I wish I had listened closely and took a lot of what she tried to teach me seriously because I do believe I would have been in a better place and I even try and give my kids these life lessons. Not sure if they are listening but one day, just like I did, they will realize parenting is not to be mean, it is to help you survive.

I am still dependent on my mom. She still cook for us, give me clothes and sometimes she have to help me financially. I moved not too long ago and I am waiting on her to finish hanging my pictures and mirrors because I love her sense of style.

I could go on about my mom but I will just say this. She is wonderful to me and even when I don't want to hear what she has to say, she has never given me bad advice.

Unconditional Love

As a parent it is my job to love and protect my children. I truly believe this. If I had to give my life to save my children I would. No second thoughts about it. I always wondered how is it that a person can make a baby and not love and care for them.

I have always taught my children that kids can be mean and cruel and it is just words, but what happens when a mean person is someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally? What do you tell a child when this happens? I can only imagine how a child would feel if you hear the worse words coming from someone who says I love in public. Nothing you do is right and then they will turn around and say something stupid like, "you know I love you." Only to keep up an appearance. So not only do you feel bad, you are confused because in a sense aren't they saying the nasty words are their examples of love. You can say anything to me as long as you say I love you, that makes it okay. I feel confused typing this. That would be the equivalent of beating a spouse then apologizing afterward. Society doesn't approve it in adults so does that make it right to do it to a child?

As a mother, father or guardian, what do you do when this happens? You protect, protect, protect. You remove the problem and you work on getting the child to feel good about themselves because no matter what they are bright individuals who will shape the future of our world when they become of age and the people they become is determined by us, parents. What we teach them when they are young will follow them into adulthood.

I love each of my kids no matter what. I will love them till the day I die and then some. I believe in them even when they don't believe in themselves and I truly think they will make a contribution to this country.

I have been placed in a position this last few weeks where I am going to have to truly walk the walk. I am going to have to make some tough decisions for their sake and it is not going to be easy. I will be faced with things that I have not had to do in the past and I may want to give up. A long time ago, I stayed in my marriage because I had kids but eventually they became the reason I left. I saw what a bad marriage was doing to them and I had to change it. The challenges I am about to face is going to be because I have kids.

I know that God will guide me and be there to help me through it.

What a Year!!!

This has been a wonderful year. I used to be afraid of getting older but God really brought peace to my life this year. I started this journey with three babies and by the time my youngest was nine, I was entering single parenting. By the grace of God, I have truimphed and although I know I have a long way to go, I know He will guide me and my decisions on this journey.

I will try and recap without being too boring. I turned 40 this year and I truly believe the Lord made my mind better when I hit the "new" 30s. I am more settled in my situation and I am at peace with where I am in my life. I think I can be a better person the more I educate myself so being in school is no longer a burden or a means to make more money, it is a privilege to grow and become a better Tracey. WOW! I cannot believe I just said that, but it is true. I must say my financial situation is still the same but I am sure everyone is feeling what I have been feeling for a while but once again, my mind tells me it is what it is and I just deal with it. Anyone who has been reading my blogs know that I got the chance to a see a friend I have not seen in over a decade and that made for a wonderful summer. My oldest son turned 16. That was great except he was bombing in his schoolwork and I had to make a decision to withdraw him from private school. It was a hard decision but it has paid off. My middle child grew so tall and handsome and his entire demeanor changed. He has matured and accepted his short comings. Instead of using them as an excuse, he is trying to succeed despite them. I am so proud to be his mom. My baby turned 13. The last child to become a teenager. That calls for another WOW! She did somethings that really made me proud of her. She donated birthday money to a cause and she refused to drop a class because she was not succeeding but she hung in there and improved her situation.

Last but definitely not least, he came. It was when I least expected and definitely not looking. I got off the shuttle meeting him for lunch, he bent down and tied my shoe. I needed to go to the dentist, he picked me up, sat in the waiting room for an hour and took me back to work. He is intelligent, articulate and he just amazes me everyday. You know sometimes when we focus on physical qualities; saying we want this type of man, that type of man, it is never a good thing. I wanted those qualities that are on the inside more so than the outside. I wanted someone who would be good to me, kind, faithful, honest and a man of integrity. I also wanted someone who would accept me as I am, independent, strong and on a path to being successful. Plus, he looks good. I had not given up on finding him but I can honestly say I wasn't looking. He has brought out the feelings that I put in the back of my mind years ago. He does not make me happy, he adds to the happiness I already have in my life and that is important. I am not sure what the future holds for us and I am enjoying the time I have now but I am looking forward to a future with him in it.

This rounds out my year. I have been blessed to have my children, family, education and love. I can honestly say turning 40 was a good thing. Thank you Lord for giving me this time of my life.

Real Friends

In the last month or so, I have really learned what a real friend is. I have narrowed mine down to five people. My two sisters. They have been there for me. I mean there is only so much they can do to help me but they have. I feel like that no matter what they are in my corner. Unconditional love is what they have shown me. My mom. Need I say more. see previous blog Family. My friend B. Have you ever met someone that is your friend from day one. Especially someone of the opposite sex who is not trying to get with you and "slip in the friend zone." (Chris Rock said that). Just a true friend. B is that person for me and I consider myself lucky to have a person like him in my life. He is the one person who can tell me something and it will stay with me for days at a time. He is positive (while sometimes naive) and he is real. He loves the Lord and he always take steps to make him a better man, father and husband. I have always said if I could choose a brother it would be him. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and I am pretty happy he is my brother but my relationship with B is probably a tad bit closer than I have with my brother. Last but definitely not least. My friend Alicia. I haven't see her since 1994 when she left Guam but she is true. I can tell her things I don't tell any of the four people above. she is the only female outside of my family who I can honestly say that I love. I have decided that I am going to go and see her next summer and I know we will have 14 years of tears when we do get to see each other. It is funny how close I am to her and if it was not for the world wide web, I don't know what I would do. Right now I have limited myself to the people I am around and the conversations I have. I do that because I am learning that people will disappoint you. I am trusting God more and more each day to provide me with the inner peace and joy I am seeking. I have these five people in my life that are helping me enjoy the peace and joy that the Lord is giving me. Oh, yeah, I am getting a new friend, Joyce Meyers. EVERYDAY, I listen to her Radio/TV programs and she gives me some word of wisdom and she is helping me get closer to God which is where I truly need to be. She said the other day, that the Lord has purpose for us all and the older I get the more I want to find out what my purpose is. Peace.

Mother

My mom is in the hospital and I wrote this prior to Mother's Day. I am sharing this because although I know people lose mother's everyday, I want it to be know that I appreciate the little gifts my mom has given me. --- 4/29/2007 6:40 PM --- As Mother's Day approaches, I am thinking not about being a mother but about still having my mother with me. I remember thinking as a kid how can one person be so mean. I know how. I was not one to give my mother a lot of trouble but she had to keep a firm hand. There were just things she did not tolerate. I was reading the newspaper this morning and they were talking about violence coming from teens are increasing in the last couple of years. WOW!!! We would not have thought about getting into trouble with the law. My mom would have lost her mind and there would have been hell to pay. I also read they feel the problem is due to the lack of parental guidance at home and kids turning to gangs for a "family". It is amazing what we have allowed. Let my mom find out I was in a gang that was beating up people and stealing. My mom also at times worked evenings and we were at home but we knew better. You know what, we also had to respect ADULTS. My mom had this thing that if you were disrespectful to an adult it was like being disrespectful to her. We had to say "Ma'am" and "Sir". As a mother I want my children to have the same type of respect for authority. I have told them never to disrespect an adult. If they have a problem they should come to their father or I, and we will handle it. There is no excuse. I have heard of instances when parents have condoned a child's disrespectful behavior. Funny, that same parent is going to wonder why their child is treating them so bad one day. I love my mother and no matter how "mean" I thought she was, I appreciate what she has given me and I can only hope to pass this along to my children. The bible says, "Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long time in the land the Lord your God is giving you." Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers. --- I am more certain of this posting today than when I wrote it. My mom will be back on her feet and will be trying to redecorate everyone's homes to her satisfaction but that is cool because I am blessed to have her with me for a while longer. Only the Lord knows how much this means to me.