September 19, 2007 - The start of a great journey.

"I am interesting in completing my Bachelor's Degree and would like to get more information on your online program.  My degree would be Business Administration.  I have credits and I would like to know if they would be transferable."

That was the first email that I sent when I was deciding if I would go back to school.  My cousin had just completed her Master's online and she was telling me how the online program worked.  Now I started my college journey 26 years ago and at that time the intranet was a basement idea so the thought of someone being able to teach me anything online was still a stretch in my head.  I listened to what she had to say and after that conversation I begin to look on my company's intranet because they offered tuition reimbursement and I, first, had to see if they would reimburse for online schools.  Not only did they approve, they actually had a list of preferred schools.  I remember choosing Colorado Tech only because my daughter once said she would love to live in Colorado. There was no other reason, it was that random.

I sent the above email and immediately go a reply from a recruiter.  I pretty much told him that I didn't want to begin until the start of the year.  He began to describe how their classes were set up and the schedule was not the normal semesters like traditional schools.  He was trying to get me into the next term but I said no because I still had to think if this is something I wanted to do.  I was a single mother of three children in a position at work that between October and February I am working an average of 50+ hours a week.  I can say that he had a great pitch because he made it sound like I would listen to these chats and submit work and in no time I would have my degree.  I bought it.  I guess a big part of me wanted to buy it because school was the single most important thing I wanted to finish.  Plus, I  have been preaching to my children about college and they were getting to the age where I begin to feel like a hypocrite.  They never made me feel that way, I did it on my own.  What better way to show them than to do it myself.

That beginning seem so long ago because when I started my program I had an 8-year old desktop computer that was slow even though I had high speed internet through the cable company.  Not to mention I had three children whose schoolwork required the use of the computer so many times I had to wait until everyone was finished before I could even begin my work. I never will forget the feeling I got when I heard the professor say my name.  It felt so official. That first class was pretty simple and I was like, "Oh yeah, I got this!"  That next class was more, "what the hell?" And the classes afterward was more of the same.  I had to repeat some classes but 6 months later I had completed my Associate's degree.  I had mixed feelings about it because on one hand I felt that I had made a big leap in my reaching my goal, on the other hand I could have beat myself up for not doing it sooner.  But in the end there was no need to look back because I still was not where I wanted to be. 

When I started to work on bachelor's program I had just returned from visiting my friend Alicia in Texas and I was not in the mood for school.  I began to see changes in my daughter and things just seem to change.  I always say God knew what I was about to encounter and He knew the first thing that would have suffered would be school.  So I truly believe He felt I needed someone that would help me to stay on track so I wouldn't have to live with yet another regret.  I believe that's how I got my BFF. How else can you explain me meeting someone who is just as determined to finish school as I am and who would be able to support what I was trying to do and provide the support throughout the trials that came my way.  I had to withdraw at some point in my program but when he saw things getting back to normal, he began to inquire about me returning to school.  I don't think I would have done this on my own.  My BFF knew that the situation would not stay the way it was and I am forever grateful for his support and love. So grateful I married him.  Well in August of 2010 I finished my Bachelor's.  Then I began to consider my Master's program.

Now when I began this, a Master's degree was not in the cards.  Not sure why,  I was just not interested.  I always thought a Bachelor's was enough.  Then I looked around my workplace and noticed a lot of people had Master's degrees so I started to think that if I wanted to remain competitive, that may be the road I need to travel.  Well, needless to say my BFF would be needed again because I reached a point on my job where my work hours increase to about 60+ hours a week and when I finished that job, concentrating on schoolwork was difficult because my mind was constantly thinking about the things I needed to achieve the following day on my job.  I had to withdraw once again.  This lasted about 6 months and honestly I would have been okay with it lasting longer.  I will never forget my BFF standing over me and he said, "don't you think its about time for you to go back to school?" I was so casual. My first thought was, dang! One thing he always said, its not that he cared if I got my Master's but I should complete what I started. 

Well, the other day, I received the proof that I had finally finished a life long journey and a great one at that.  I look at this degree and know that about 8 years ago, I never thought this would be in my immediate future.  I always knew I would go back, I just thought it would be once my children left home.  I never thought I could juggle being a full-time mother, employee, student and after a while wife. I know what I have done is nothing new but knowing ME that way I do, it was an accomplishment. The entire time I went through this, my children never felt like they were being neglected, although I felt I was neglecting them. Between work and school it was hard for me to attend wrestling matches and choir concerts and other events but they didn't complain and they were happy when I achieved a milestone.  I will continue to say I am truly blessed to have these young people to call my children and because they invested in my goals, I don't think twice about investing in theirs.

Peace.
TB, MSM

 

Hearing The Bass

I am approaching what has been the best four years of my life. Well, actually, if you count from the day we met him, its been over four years.  One of the many things I love about this man is the what he kept from me for about 3 months after we me. His music.  He is so nonchalant about it, like everyone can play, but I love it.  I actually use it to determine how mad at him I am.  I call it "hearing the bass".

The first time I heard him play for real was at the Barking Legs Theater.  He called me at work and said, "Hey, Kofi asked me to play with him tonight and I wanted to know if you want to come."  I was thinking, who is Kofi and play what? I don't think he even owned a bass at that time because I remember him saying that Kofi (whoever he was) was going to get a bass for him to play.  I said okay naturally and when he told me where it was that was another shocker because I had never heard of Barking Legs.  Me and a co-worker was trying to figure out this place because I had just met this man and he is asking me to meet him somewhere that was foreign to me.  We started planning our strategy of what she would do if I didn't confirm the place was legit and I wasn't being kidnapped or set up.  Funny, I know but people are coo-coo. Well, I got there and there were more people there so I reported back that I was fine.  We were sitting around and I remember asking about rehearsals but explained to me that he didn't  need to rehearse because he's played these songs before. Now keep in mind, all I have seen is him playing around on AJ's acoustic guitar and he NEVER played a complete song, so I thought he was this self-taught-wannabe guitar player.  In my head all I thought this was going to be embarrassing.  I can see the fallout and I would deny knowing him or I would say we just met.  Anything to get me out of this situation.

They were going to play last and the band before them Davidasa was a Hindu sounding group with belly dancers.  That was really cool so I was getting into it. So now here we go, they get up there and they started to play and it took me totally by surprise because my first reaction was he can really play!  He was on key and he played a solo that had a funk, Caribbean, Latin beat to it and I could not stop smiling.  One because I didn't have to deny knowing him and two because this man could really play.  The set was about 45 minutes and I was in awe the entire time.  I remember thinking why hasn't he ever mentioned this before? Shocking but that is how I learned my BFF could play the bass guitar.

The next time I heard him play was in church. Again, I was shocked and asked if he could play church music? He said he plays for the church (Marcellus) occasionally. I grew up in the church and I didn't think he could hang with the gospel musicians of the day, although he just proved to me that he can play.  By this time he had purchased his "girlfriend" (they get to be girlfriends because he... nevermind, why is irrelevant) and he was playing with Ogya more often. But church music was an entire different genre and church people will not be happy if you can't get them in the mood to praise the Lord.  Nothing gets a person ready for the morning word than an "A & B selection" from the choir.  He asked me to go to church with him and I was like, "THANK GOD, A MAN WHO LIKES TO GO TO CHURCH!" Faith is an important quality to me so I said okay.  At the time, Mt. Canaan Baptist Church was having two services and I chose to attend the 8 a.m. service. The choir sung Its Only A Test by Bishop Larry D. Trotter. If you ever listen to this song, the bass is a big part of the song.  This brother was sitting there with little emotion playing this song like he wrote the music himself.  Again, I was shocked. He was jamming and I think from that day to this one, that is my favorite gospel song.

I have heard him play lots of times since those two occasions and let's just say, I am no longer a groupie but I do enjoy listening to him play and when he play something new, I am back at the Barking Legs with that big grin on my face.  An example would be when he played cocktail hour at my brother's wedding reception.  That was the first time I had heard him play a full jazz set and the people he got to play with him were equally talented and it was a nice set. What is funny is when I am not happy with him, he could be the loudest musician in the room and I will not have heard a note he has played and if I happen to hear a note then it is the most irritating sound I have heard.  Other times when I miss him when I am away from him or when we have spent some good quality time away from the mundane routine of work, kids, bills, etc., I can listen to a song and the only thing I can hear is the bass.  I will text him and let him know I am hearing the bass and he will know all is well.

As I approach my second anniversary and I think that people can go their whole lives an never have this feeling, I am grateful everyday, good or bad, that I have been blessed with the opportunity to love and have that same love in return. 

A Do-over

In life we are taught to do things a certain way. Our values and beliefs up to a point are from the people that influenced us the most.  Most of the time it comes from our parents.  Take me for example.  I try to teach my children to be good people and get an education.  I think I have spent a majority of my time teaching them college was not an option.  I have taught them to respect adults and the law.  My favorite saying is "not because I told you to, but because your uncle and grandfather were cops."  These are just a few of the things  I instilled in my children.

My subject is not about me or my children, its about my brother. Chuck.  Chuck is a good guy.  He was brought up in a home with a mother and 3 sisters and I think I took the place for a while of his "brother" because I was a tomboy at heart.  We did not have a great male role model but we did have a decent one.  My step-dad, whom I always have and will call Daddy, didn't teach us a lot but I think he did teach my brother to take care of home.  Well, he did take care of his home and he found out it was not enough.  I used to sit in awe of the things I would hear that he tried to do and I couldn't for the life of me think of a single reason why a woman would not want to have a dude like him.  But we all know, you don't appreciate what you have till its gone.

He endured a lot and I believe once he got tired then he was done. Most of us are that way.  We know when to say when.  Well, he got past that difficult time and I pray that in the midst of his troubles, he learned something and he gain a sense of peace, faith and patience.  I believe he did because this August he was given a do-over. He gets the privilege of doing a couple of things; 1) choosing someone who shares his values and 2) truly getting to love someone and getting that love back unconditionally.  I heard his wife talk about him in a way that I haven't heard anyone speak of my brother before.  I could feel her love for him and I knew it was true.

She brings out the best in him and not the worst. She understands and appreciates the value of family and accepting them and their flaws as well as their gifts.  She is educated and she can hold her own in a conversation with strangers.  I liked her from the day I met her and she said the one thing to me that I knew she would love him forever, "I cannot imagine my life without him." Another statement I have never heard anyone speak about my brother. And after all of the above, she stood by him when I think was the hardest time of his adult life and I know a lesser woman would have said, "Holla!" She didn't, she took it with him. I am pretty sure she saw him hurt, angry, frustrated and disgusted but in the end, she was standing right there with a look on her face that said her love hadn't wavered a bit.  There are not many people that can say they have a person like that in their corner.

I know we both have had our "do-over" and like him, I don't take for granted that unconditional love that a person gives.  They can't give money, fame or fortune.  They can only give their love, no hidden agenda, just love.  It is the best blessing a person can receive.  I wish them the best and I know they are blessed.

Love Everyday

Happy Valentine's Day. 

Okay, I said it. I am convinced this has become a day that card companies and floral shops will have a way of making some money during the year, so I am not a huge fan of paying $60 (probably more) for something that will be less than half the price the very next day.  I love the candy during this time but my doctor has become concerned about my glucose level so that is out.  I love cards because I think my husband stands there for at least 15 minutes to pick out the right one.  They are always so sweet.  My children's father used to buy them something (candy, toy, etc.) on this day. I thought that was sweet.  But, for the most part, its just a day. 

What I try to do is love everyday and I absolutely think I have the one person who makes that easy.  He wakes me up every morning, He helps me through the toughest days at work and every night He will hug me before I go to sleep.  I actually fall asleep under Him.  I call Him my security blanket.  I can talk to Him about anything and He will not judge me, tell anyone my secrets or gossip about me behind my back.  Don't get me wrong there are days when I don't feel He is with me but I am not focusing on that right now and I know that even though I don't feel it, He is there.  When everything else is stressful, He is the constant.  With Him, you will fuss by yourself and He will forgive just as quick.  Its hard to show all the love I have for Him on one day so I try to show how much I love Him everyday.  One last thing, He has given me the perfect person to help Him show me love.

I started writing that paragraph about my BFF but I thought there was one love greater than him.

Have a blessed day.

Meet Mrs. Boamah

Well, it is kinda funny how I have not blogged for over a year when 2010 brought the most changes in my life. Several things happened last year. I finished school and I got married. Both were changes that made me a better person. I did not think my life could make such improvements but it did. Finishing school gave me the biggest sense of accomplishment I have had since giving birth to my children. I felt like I did something. If you ever have one of those "things" you wish you could do or finish then you know how it feels to wake up everyday wanting to do that certain something. Mine was school. As hard as it got and as late I had to stay up, I wanted more than anything to finish. I feel like I helped my future.

My second change was that I became Mrs. Alexander Boamah and I learned what unconditional love, best friend and acceptance TRULY means. This man has helped me to see the best in myself, to go back to church and have faith in the Lord and to love my family. He doesn't make me happy, he adds to it in ways I did not think it was possible. He has taught me that it is okay to disagree as long as at the end of the day, you are still loving each other. Ever have someone believe in you? The goals you have for yourself, they are there for you. Some of the those frustrating school days were doable because of him. I remember him helping with my statistics class. He would listen to my chats with me and then help me to understand it. I remember when he felt like I wasn't getting my work done at home he would take me to the library so I could get my assignments completed. Funny, I did not spend that much time in the library when I was in school. He was patient when I was not and he was hopeful when I gave up. He always knew it would be okay, even when I could not see it. I did not think I would be deserving of a person like him in my life but I thank God everyday for him. His love is never ending and he loves all of me not just the "good parts." That's a lot of love.

This year we will start bringing our family together and it is going to be a new experience for us all. I am a little behind in my blogging but I do hope to talk about the changes that will come in the future. Good, not so good and sometimes downright ugly. We were hoping to have that family portrait by the summer but it may have to wait a little while longer. That's okay, I promise when we get that portrait done I will be able to show the world the best part of my life - family.

Peace.

How do you know? Part III

Ask other people how they define love or know if they love someone.

I got several responses and this is what I heard.

Response 1
I'd say that love is about reaction. How does the sight, sound, and/or touch of a person make you feel? Are there regular moments with in your day that are occupied solely by individual thoughts of this one? Does your existence now include that of comfort and happiness within this persons. How difficult is it to travel back to the state of yourself before meeting this person?

These (I believe) are some questions to ask yourself.

Response 2
I feel that you know you love someone when you think of their needs before you think of your own. Love is more than a feeling. Love is an action word. When you are in love your actions should define your feelings.

Response 3
Love to me is: trusting someone to be faithful, be by your side no matter what, and to always be honest with you. It is being with someone you that makes you a better person, wants you to succeed, is willing to compromise to make your relationship better, and that is your best friend. it is someone you can spend the rest of your life with because although you may not always like them, you do always love them.

These are very honest responses and I can truly say I feel all of them in my relationship.

To be continued...

How Do You Know? Part II

Step 2. Distinguish between love and lust or infatuation. Lust is an intense sexual desire. Infatuation refers to the initial stage of a relationship, when you are "crazy" about him, but this feeling usually fades over time.

I can admit when I first started dating him, it was exciting. You know, that feeling you get from something new. I was infatuated with the idea of him. His ethnic background, his plans for the future and his thought process. These things were so new to me that it just sucked me in. I wanted to hear more everyday. I appreciated the fact that he did not try to impress me actually it was the opposite. I learned that he lived one day at a time and he understood his situation could change at any moment. This was why he wanted more. He wanted to secure a future for himself and his family (family meaning children). Everyday he introduced me to something exciting and when I learned he was a musician, I lost it. Lust went to a whole new level. All of this lasted about a couple of months, then routine set in. We saw each other when time permitted. He was trying to finish his degree, work two jobs, and play music. Busy, huh? Definitely, but he still made time for me. Meanwhile, I was working 40+ hours a week, going to school and taking care of my family (family meaning children). This is when lust and infatuation turned to love.

I still got excited when I knew we were going to spend time together and we could sit and talk for hours about nothing and his conversations were still exciting. Then when I reached a hard time in my life, he remained positive about the situation and he hung in there with me. He helps me with schoolwork and because of his help, I got A's in classes that were tough. Now we just have a routine. He's in grad school, I am still trying to finish undergrad, kids are in school, we work and he still play music. All of this and when we get time together it is exciting and that first time feeling is still there...almost a year later. We have disagreements but we are okay to agree that we will disagree. Some days I want to be alone, but when I am, I miss him and cannot wait to see him. When I see him play, its like watching him for the first time all over again.

I think I can say that I am past the lusting period and I am truly in love. Having looked at these two steps, I love that man.

To be continued...

How Do You Know? Part I

At 41, I always wonder will I ever love again? Its hard to bounce back from a relationship that did not work. When you put your all into something that supposed to last a lifetime and it fails, do you really try it again? I said when I was younger that if marriage didn't work for me the first time, I would not give a it a second time to fail. But, when I turned 40 something happened. I became secure in who I was as a mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and most importantly a person. May 2008, I did not know what the future held for me in the love department but I did know that if I was happy being me, then I was happy. Another thing I discovered was that I would not compromise who I was for anyone. The changes I made would be because I wanted them not because someone would "love me more" if I was this way or that way. I have learned that's a pretty good quality, one I plan to keep. So, that brings me to my topic. When a person has made the changes in their life and accepted the person they are, how do you know, when a person who meets all the initial criteria of a partner, really love you?

There's a big difference from being infatuated with someone and in love, but in the beginning it can be hard to tell the difference between the two (eHow, n.d.). There are six steps I think I should take to tell if he really loves me. I am not sure how many I can explain but I will try.

Step 1. Clarify what love is for you. Write down all your thoughts and feelings about what a loving relationship would be like for you.

For me love is a partnership. It's not about what he can do for me or what I can do for him but what WE can do for each other. Its not about his or mines but ours. I am not into the traditional relationships where it is all about if he can take care of me. I have learned I can take care of myself and as time goes on, I will get better at it so I don't need that from a man. I think love is about supporting each other's dreams and goals. A relationship is accepting all of a person, including their faults and downfalls. Its about not reliving the past mistakes but helping each other to make better and smarter decisions for the future. A loving relationship is about having a friend, a best friend. A person that will sit down and talk for an hour about nothing or sharing a secret that one would never tell anyone else. It's about communication, that includes laughing when its funny, crying when its sad and agreeing to disagree. Most of all, I believe a relationship is about two people having faith in God or whatever a person believe. Knowing that He will bless the relationship and putting it in His hands and just live each day to the fullest.

I think when two people have all of this they have love. This is what a loving relationship is to me.

To Be Continued...