Parenting or the Lack of...
Today, I was thinking about the amount of time my children's dad has spent with them kinda debating requesting an increase in child support. The laws here says that if the non-custodial parent is not spending time then they will pay more. I wonder is it worth it. I thought about it he has had them a total of one week since last Christmas. That's six months. I don't believe they notice it but I do. Plus, it is more expensive to keep growing children with you all the time. Food is one reason. They use more electricity and water. I have to wait in line to use my computer. So many things a non-custodial parent don't realize because he or she doesn't have them long enough to cause a lasting impact. I do believe MCD (my children's dad) doesn't see the wrong in this. He has 101 excuses of why he can't get them. I have always said I would never ask for an increase but this is getting ridiculous. Even when they were with him that one week, I still had to take them and pick them up from their activities. I used to think he was a pretty good dad, but here lately he is just like everyother dad out there. He is not doing anything to make him special. He got outsiders thinking he is great and he may be a step above the average. but lets evaluate what he really does. He does pay child support, but that is a wage garnishment and I wonder if he would do that on his own. During our divorce he got mad and said he would not give me a dime unless a judge ordered him, so I did just that, made a judge order it. He came up with the idea to put them in private school and I agreed to that, but he is liable for that, plus we split that. He buys clothes, but so do I. He pick up little things here and there but for the most part we do the same things. I wonder how does a person not see their children and is cool with it. I am so ready for my kids to move out but I don't think I could function if I could not talk to them all the time... okay 2 to 3 times a week. I love them that much. But is it that easy for the non-custodial parent to block that out. I know there are some people who makes life difficult for the other person but I am not like that. I am cool with him, especially around them. They had to live with this mess while we were married, I don't think it is fair for them to endure in during after divorce. I am really trying to keep it positive. His relationship with his kids is how he makes it. I tell you what, I am tired of trying to push them on him. It is exhausting. My kids are old enough and I do believe this is a time in they will remember. I wonder what will happen...
Real Friends
In the last month or so, I have really learned what a real friend is. I have narrowed mine down to five people. My two sisters. They have been there for me. I mean there is only so much they can do to help me but they have. I feel like that no matter what they are in my corner. Unconditional love is what they have shown me. My mom. Need I say more. see previous blog Family. My friend B. Have you ever met someone that is your friend from day one. Especially someone of the opposite sex who is not trying to get with you and "slip in the friend zone." (Chris Rock said that). Just a true friend. B is that person for me and I consider myself lucky to have a person like him in my life. He is the one person who can tell me something and it will stay with me for days at a time. He is positive (while sometimes naive) and he is real. He loves the Lord and he always take steps to make him a better man, father and husband. I have always said if I could choose a brother it would be him. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and I am pretty happy he is my brother but my relationship with B is probably a tad bit closer than I have with my brother. Last but definitely not least. My friend Alicia. I haven't see her since 1994 when she left Guam but she is true. I can tell her things I don't tell any of the four people above. she is the only female outside of my family who I can honestly say that I love. I have decided that I am going to go and see her next summer and I know we will have 14 years of tears when we do get to see each other. It is funny how close I am to her and if it was not for the world wide web, I don't know what I would do. Right now I have limited myself to the people I am around and the conversations I have. I do that because I am learning that people will disappoint you. I am trusting God more and more each day to provide me with the inner peace and joy I am seeking. I have these five people in my life that are helping me enjoy the peace and joy that the Lord is giving me. Oh, yeah, I am getting a new friend, Joyce Meyers. EVERYDAY, I listen to her Radio/TV programs and she gives me some word of wisdom and she is helping me get closer to God which is where I truly need to be. She said the other day, that the Lord has purpose for us all and the older I get the more I want to find out what my purpose is. Peace.
Choices & Sacrifices
Choice means the right, power, or opportunity to choose; option.
Sacrifice means to surrender or give up, or permit injury or disadvantage to, for the sake of something else.
I've had to make some changes in my life and I wondered did that mean it was a choice or was it a sacrifice. When I began educating my children, I placed them in public schools because I thought they were fine. I went to them, so what could be so bad. I even moved in the neighborhood I grew up in so that they could attend the schools I went to as a child. This was fine for a while. Areas began to re-zone and the make up of the schools were different. Once my eldest got to middle school, I started to notice. He was not doing as well as he should have done. I also noticed there was a lot more peer pressure than I thought there would be at that age. He truly hadn't grown a lot and that became an issue. He was not doing his work and what would aggrevate me was I didn't find out until it was close to report card. So by the time he was entering the 8th grade we took him out of public schools and put him into private school. Now, don't get me wrong, he still had his own faults which I still had to deal with but in the setting he was in when he did get lazy, we were notified right away. He also had to deal with being the new kid in an environment where most of these kids have been together since kindergarten. That was hard but I still believe the right choice was made. The following year all of my children were in private school and that is where the sacrifice came. It was hard financially and I have had to give up a lot because of it. I have lost a lot also and I hear the naysayers tell me different things like, there is no way I would pay more for my child's education than I pay for my car. I said your car means more to you than your child. They get stumbled and try to correct that but I got it. Then I have heard, why put that money into private school when you have to pay for college. I say, why put away money for college? If your child is not getting what they need in high school, they definitely will not be going to college. I can argue that point until I am blue in the face but I leave it at to each his own and until you walk down that rode then don't try to argue it. I can say this since I have made this choice, my children are being exposed to so much more than they would have gotten otherwise (creative thinking competitions, dance classes, etc.) I make sure they know they were not born with the right to attend private schools (meaning we are not rich) and their being there is due to sacrifices made by their parents. I hope my children will one day see it that I was trying to do this because I care about their future more than I care about a house, a car or clothes.
Sacrifice means to surrender or give up, or permit injury or disadvantage to, for the sake of something else.
I've had to make some changes in my life and I wondered did that mean it was a choice or was it a sacrifice. When I began educating my children, I placed them in public schools because I thought they were fine. I went to them, so what could be so bad. I even moved in the neighborhood I grew up in so that they could attend the schools I went to as a child. This was fine for a while. Areas began to re-zone and the make up of the schools were different. Once my eldest got to middle school, I started to notice. He was not doing as well as he should have done. I also noticed there was a lot more peer pressure than I thought there would be at that age. He truly hadn't grown a lot and that became an issue. He was not doing his work and what would aggrevate me was I didn't find out until it was close to report card. So by the time he was entering the 8th grade we took him out of public schools and put him into private school. Now, don't get me wrong, he still had his own faults which I still had to deal with but in the setting he was in when he did get lazy, we were notified right away. He also had to deal with being the new kid in an environment where most of these kids have been together since kindergarten. That was hard but I still believe the right choice was made. The following year all of my children were in private school and that is where the sacrifice came. It was hard financially and I have had to give up a lot because of it. I have lost a lot also and I hear the naysayers tell me different things like, there is no way I would pay more for my child's education than I pay for my car. I said your car means more to you than your child. They get stumbled and try to correct that but I got it. Then I have heard, why put that money into private school when you have to pay for college. I say, why put away money for college? If your child is not getting what they need in high school, they definitely will not be going to college. I can argue that point until I am blue in the face but I leave it at to each his own and until you walk down that rode then don't try to argue it. I can say this since I have made this choice, my children are being exposed to so much more than they would have gotten otherwise (creative thinking competitions, dance classes, etc.) I make sure they know they were not born with the right to attend private schools (meaning we are not rich) and their being there is due to sacrifices made by their parents. I hope my children will one day see it that I was trying to do this because I care about their future more than I care about a house, a car or clothes.
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