It is April and I spent most of March thinking about what I wanted to say in March and its not that so much happened, I was just at a loss for words. So I think I would just ramble.
I love my husband. I get scared that some of my feelings will get hurt but he has not let me down. Very supportive of my needs. I felt like I was going through some anxiety because of changes that were happening in my life and most of the time I believed that he would get impatient with me but even when we had major disagreements, he loved me just the same. It is the best feeling to know that no matter what happens that person loves you. He tells me, he knew what he was getting into and he is here to stay. I am not sure if he knew how much that changed my attitude. I am not trying to be a better wife and I am trying to "THINK" before I speak. I have learned that true love forgives and it forgives without words. When I am upset, I think God whips me all night long because they are some of the most restless nights of my life. I wake up and the first thing I will do is give him a hug and he hugs me back. That is like saying I am sorry and I accept in one move. Such a wonderful feeling.
I love my children. They are bright individuals and although I know it is getting to a time where I cannot tell them what to do and I have to respect their life choices, I will love them for who they are now and for what they will become. One thing, I have come to terms with is, I cannot relate to their situations as high school students. You know how some people try to advise their kids based on their own experiences. I am learning, it is impossible. The things I went through does not compare to what they are experiencing as teenagers. Actually, I wonder if I could have coped with their challenges. Its hard to explain to them that in ten years none of this will matter. I try to tell them that I love them and I will support them.
I am down to my last three classes in my master's program and I realized I am at a crossroad in my life. What will I do once I have completed my degree and the kids are off doing their own things. My BFF has his music so I have to figure out what is for me and how will I move forward. I have a couple of things that are of interest. One is to do a geneology research. My cousin and I dabbled in it a while back but when we both started furthering our education, there was no time. Well, she is done and in August I will be done so we will pick that up again.
I am done rambling. I hope to have something interesting this month. I have sons turning 20 and 18 this month. Plus AJ is considering making AJ his legal name.
